Garden Update.

It's been about 3 weeks since I planted my first garden. When I say that I didn't and don't know what I am doing, that's not an understatement. I'm not being self-deprecating. I literally have no clue what I'm doing. But you know who does? Pinterest. Google. Those fine master gardeners out there in the world, who are kind enough to share pictures of what spinach seedlings should look like after 10 days. I would be clueless without the Internet. Well, and my friend Dana. She's a master gardener. I've been mad texting her all like, "Is this a good soil brand?" and "What do I do about caterpillars?!"

And now we've come to it. The caterpillars.

Skeezy, selfish, slimy gluttons. They've been decimating my cauliflower leaves. Boring holes into my baby plants.

They are no longer cute. They are more like machete-mouthed thieves of doom. I won't read Everett that book any longer. Caterpillars are the flipping worst. They found my cauliflower and they have almost decimated the leaves - eaten holes through them and now I'm praying my plants will still photosynthesize. I mean, look at these gaping holes. JUST LOOK.

It's like they've eaten holes right through my heart.

Oh, also, apparently I'm also growing what looks like cabbage. I didn't realize I bought cabbage. Didn't realize I planted it. Thought the whole lot was cauliflower. And I thought there was something wrong with a few of the plants because they were so short and growing weirdly. But I remember now that when I was planting, I found a label that said "cabbage" and I thought it was mislabeled, because all the cauliflower plants looked exactly the same.

I am a terrific airhead. It's cabbage. I'm growing cabbage.

I guess that's great! I enjoy coleslaw. Put it on this yummy pulled pork a few weeks ago. So yeah, let's grow cabbage!

The other plants seem to be growing beautifully. The galactic lettuce and romaine lettuce are growing like weeds, which is fun and colorful.

My little baby kale plants, which I've been growing inside the house, are almost ready to be transferred into the ground.

The radishes are a bit of a head scratcher. Only 4 seedlings came up. I planted a zillion seeds, but only 4 actually did their thing. So... I'm going to plant some more radishes. I've still got time, since they germinate and mature the most quickly - like 24 days from planting to eating! Whaaat? I love that efficiency, Mr. Radish. I won't hold your lack of mass germination against you.

And the carrots! These seedlings are so adorable. They have actually gotten fancier looking even since I took this photo, so I will have to do another update next week. The carrots are rad little plants!

A few more photos that aren't food related, but are keeping my garden looking really good.

There you have it! The garden update! Who wants to come over and harvest with me? :)

Planting My First Vegetable Garden.

I have always wanted to grow a salad.

I used to dream of it. I wanted to live on a pasture in an old white farm house and walk outside, past my chickens and horses and pick the vegetables that I grew from seeds in my own little patch of Earth. Of course, in my dream life I also simultaneously lived in New York City and was a famous actress and wore red ball gowns everywhere. It doesn't have to be either/or in the dream world, right?

Well, I've done the New York City thing, and even though fame was never whispered about my stint as an actress, I had the opportunity to give it my best shot. And now, well, it's no white farm house, but it's my house. My green house, actually. And in the back, there are a few rows of above-ground garden beds that are so perfect for vegetables it's not even funny. It's real. My real, rustic, perfect little patch of Earth for my own little produce community.

I spent a lot of time browsing Pinterest for tutorials, talking to friends who are master gardeners and eavesdropping on conversations between the Pike's Nursery employees and customers like myself. I have found myself consumed with questions about which varieties are best for my climate/zone/neighborhood/backyard, where to plant which items, how much to water or how little to fertilize, how to deter deer from my yield, what kind of soil is best, how long until plant maturity, how to prune, etc. The questions go on and on! My Google searches over the past month have become ridiculously suburban. But finally! The planting has begun! And I must say, I'm pretty proud.

Here's what the garden beds looked like before:

I was ready to rip out all those bushes. Clearly, this bed was made for gardening! But it would be a serious investment to replace all of them at once, so Stevie and I decided to focus on the area where catnip was planted and replace that with my first round of Autumn vegetables. In case you're wondering, the catnip is the crazy green wispy plant that looks like a weed. Actually, it was getting choked by a lot of weeds. I believe the previous owners planted the catnip because it's supposed to be a mosquito deterrent? Whatever. It had to go.

I bought so many seeds. Too many, actually, when I realized how much space they would take up. I also bought some plants that had already been growing in their containers. I transplanted them, along with planting some seeds, all which should produce a fall harvest! THIS FALL.

Stevie's a good gardening teacher. He warned me that the most time consuming and laborious part of this endeavor would be pulling up all that catnip and PREPARING THE SOIL. I sort of laughed at him, like, "Yeah, but I'm AMPED. This is going to be so fun!!!"

I mean.

It quickly became time consuming and, yeah, laborious.

Thank goodness my trusty sister came along for the entire planting excursion and kept me laughing. She had me in stitches while we attempted to wheel the tons of muddy soil and weed-eaten catnip up the hill and dump it in the back corner of our property. And she laughed with me when every single neighbor in our hood came by to say hello while we were working in the front yard. There was a solid hour and a half that we just stood in the sun, shielding our faces, making small talk with my new community. What a trooper, my dear sister. That gal is not only a true friend, but a seriously hard worker.

Oh yeah. And we did crap like this.

Early in the day shenanigans.

All in all, it took two days to get the garden planted. Once the catnip was fully removed and the soil was tilled and added and given some magical growing elixir, we got our plant on. We planted cauliflower, carrots, romaine lettuce, galactic lettuce, radishes, strawberries and two types of kale. I am so excited to watch my baby plants grow! I will keep you updated on how things begin to progress. I have no idea what I'm doing, so if you're an idiotic gardener, then we can be friends. If you're a master gardener, wanna come over and tell me what I did wrong?

Have any of you ever planted a garden? What do you wish you had known going into it? Any how-to's or tips that you wouldn't mind sharing with the class?

Have the happiest of weekend to you, friends!