And we're back!

credit // Tasha Deloach Photography

I took a long break from blogging and Instagram this past year. Not on purpose. We chose to homeschool due to the pandemic and that “YES” meant saying no to a lot of other things (like spending my time here), and some of it felt like sacrifice and some of it felt just right. Actually, it all felt right for our family, but I won’t pretend that it was a completely graceful experience. I was often frustrated, lonely, unfulfilled and restless. And tired. Can you be restless and exhausted all at once? I was.

However, while I was wrestling with some of my own personal struggles of navigating the pandemic and having everyone home ALL THE TIME, I simultaneously loved getting so much intentional time with my boys. And with Stevie! I was used to him traveling weekly for work and of course, used to the big boys attending school. It was a real ADJUSTMENT when suddenly the kitchen was this endless nightmare I couldn’t figure out how to keep clean. But truly, I didn’t realize how much I craved getting to know my little boys in this particularly new way. Seeing the way their minds worked while they learned how to sound out words or spell their name or add pennies. It was astounding. They are so smart and funny and precious and I am just so grateful I get to be their mom. Please hear me here - you do NOT need to homeschool to be an intentional parent, you 100% don’t! But it was an incredibly bonding experience for us as a family, one that I will always treasure.

hiking along Line creek!

I learned SO MUCH from the amazing homeschool families we met along the way. The way they do life really opened up my eyes to how important it is to engage with nature and animals and just PLAY to give kids so much foundation for understanding the world. My kids thrived this year and if I ever feel called to homeschool again, I will totally do it.

We have chosen for them to return to the school where they were attending before the pandemic, and we are all truly excited about it. But I’ll admit I’m going to miss them madly and will most definitely cry ugly tears at that first (and probably second and third) drop off in a few weeks.

panning for gold in helen, Ga!

I honestly didn’t think I would come back to the world of Instagram or blogging. I started to feel like I had outgrown this space, and in a way, I guess I did. 2020 was actually a spectacular time to step away, because there was so much happening in the world and I couldn’t possibly navigate it on social media while I was trying to navigate it privately with my family. And like so many of you, I felt like outgrew who I used to be. That was really uncomfortable but also really really good. I got to a really secure place where I was truly fine with never opening the Instagram app again or writing here again. I honestly felt called to lay everything that was mine aside for that season. At the time I didn’t think it was just for a season, I thought it was for forever. Any small or large pursuit or endeavor that took away time from my family, I just felt like I needed to say no to. It was the time for me to pour completely into FAMILY. It’s very counter-culture to what we are being told we should do - we should be pursuing dreams and prioritizing ourselves in honor of self care and “hustling” right?! (Ha, that term really irks me. I am the opposite of whatever “hustle” represents and I am soo good with that.) But it was interesting… it’s interesting what happens when you fully surrender a part of your life/heart/desires in pursuit of a bigger “YES”. In doing this, something within me was finally laid to rest. The striving that I didn’t know I had going on inside my heart - it was finally quieted. And it was a good thing! Strangely enough, it led way to a wonderful, surprising new rhythm. We have been living slowly for so long and I don’t really want to go back to whatever version of busy and hustle and striving we/I used to be.

Lately I’ve been feeling the nudge to re-engage, to pursue the things I love again, to HAVE FRIENDS AGAIN. To write again. I miss writing and I have things to say. I quieted down for a long while.

So I’ve been getting to know myself again. I’ve been taking a painting class. Doing yoga on my porch. Taken over the back yard with different types of gardens (because we need a cutting garden and an English garden AND a pollinator garden duh silly…) I’m taking myself a lot less seriously and I don’t feel so guarded. I was so guarded for a long time.

I know its been like A YEAR for all of us. I hope you have found a sense of peace in the storms that have swirled since the pandemic hit. I hope you have found a sense of hope and a steady calm that supersedes challenging circumstances. I hope you have found yourself once again and been kind to yourself. You deserve it and everyone around you deserves it, too.

This space is still here and I’m feeling so much peace about returning and having conversations again. I’ve missed you, friends. So tell me… what did you surrender during your 2020 experience? And more importantly, what did you gain?

Love to you all. xx