OY! KRISTEN

I'm just really proud of the person he's become.

Yes, he disobeys and throws massive tantrums. And he does those things in public when it embarrasses me, sure.

But mostly, he is this sweet, funny, sensitive, polite, extremely observant person who makes me really really proud. He notices when the moon is in the sky (during the day!), even when I'm certain it's not out. He says please and thank you, and even though he mixes up when he's supposed to say "Yes ma'am" and "Yes sir", he still tries and it just makes my heart smile. He is a show off, which I can't fault him for, because I was the exact same way. "Watch me, Mom!", he shouts at the top of his lungs. All day long. So much shouting. But it works out pretty well because that's what I want to do - I want to watch him and marvel at the stunning person he is. The funny person he is. The smart person he is.

I have another baby coming soon. Soon I won't be able to tell my little son that he's my favorite boy in the whole wide world. Soon I won't be able to just sit endlessly in his bedroom with my morning coffee and watch him almost break the crib with his feats of jumping. Soon I will be a heart divided, a mind unfolded in full-blown multitasking, an attention that sways with the alternating needs of two boys.

And that day is nearing, all the time it's nearing closer.

It's alarming to think about my heart opening up to another little person in the same way that it has with Everett. Because he made me the mom that I am. He made me love motherhood. He made me fall in love with myself in a new way. He made me believe in a capability that I wasn't prepared for - he made me follow my instincts, discover an awakening of my mothering nature, and grow as fast and mightily as him because, well, I didn't have a choice. As a mom, you have to be all in. This role is the greatest thing I've ever done, but if you had told me that prior to this precious boy, I couldn't have believed you. Because I had other things to do, and frankly, because mini vans really turn me off.

Did I mention Stevie really wants to get us one?

I am processing these thoughts this morning, because they need to be processed. I imagine that every mother goes through this phase when they are expecting another little one, but it feels unprecedented when it's happening to you. I am pursuing time and engagement with my toddler son right now, because soon everything will change and I want him to know, how very desperately, that I want him to feel my love and appreciation for who he is. I love and hate how big he's getting. My baby, my big boy.

P.S. - Thanks to Rocco + Norah for sending us my turban and his beanie for the changing weather of the season - I have been wearing mine every third day for weeks. You know what happens on the third day? Dirty hair. :)