Lessons from My Mother.

My mom taught me most things by simply doing them herself.

For instance, my mom didn't tell me to exercise because it was good for me. But she took me along with her while she did it. I remember many evenings of watching the sun go down while we ran the stairs at the high school football stadium during my sister's cheer practices, or how she was adamant about going for a brisk walk after dinner, or how she always invited me to join her for her morning 6am swim she did 3 seasons a year.. She showed me that good health was important, that it was worth her time and energy and focus. Yes - she was truly that disciplined. Still is, actually. I chalk it up to her catholic school girl roots.

Now that I'm getting older, I find myself in awe of my mother more and more. She lives with such intention and grace, in some ways I feel like I fall so short of the example she's set. But I guess that's why it's called a journey, right?

She's the mom that prayed for me every morning in the car ride on the way to school, the woman who invited strangers over for Thanksgiving dinner because "everyone needs to be loved during the holidays", the woman who folded six stacks of laundry before dawn and gave me and my sisters her hard-earned Christmas bonuses so we could shop for presents for our friends. She's bossy, she's opinionated, incredibly witty, and she says words like "sex" that always make me and my sisters giggle because it sounds like "sax" with her little Michigan accent. She's a magnet, my mother. Everyone is drawn to her light, even I am still stunned by her, after all these years of knowing her, flaws and all. She's not perfect, she doesn't pretend to be perfect, but we do sort of tease that she's like Mary Poppins, "practically perfect in every way."

I wish everyone felt this way about their mother. I know that's not the case. I don't mean to make her sound like a cartoon-y, idealist kind of woman, but ask anyone - she's the real deal. And also, I just really get a kick out of her. Because aside from all the wisdom she dispenses at a moment's notice, she also wears teenager-y rompers from Target and for mother's day this year she invited me to go get an organic spray on tan with her. I was like, "Wait, what? You do that??" She's ironic in the funniest, coolest kind of way.

She lost her own mother at age 19, and my mind is blown over how (seriously - howww?) she did adulthood without her mom guiding her. Because I would be lost - lost, you guys - without her.

And even though she's led mostly be example and less so by words, I wanted to share a few lessons I've learned from her little sayings throughout the years. In light of Mother's Day :)

• Prayer is more powerful than you can imagine. Pray, pray and then pray some more. For anything and everything - pray.
   
• Lipstick brightens your face, so if you're only going to wear one item of makeup, make it lipstick.
   
• Always take a walk after dinner. It's the best thing for your digestion and metabolism.
   
• Clean up after yourself before you leave a room. That way you won't have a trashed house at the end of the day.
   
• Think before you speak.
   
• Use borax when you do a laundry load of whites.
   
• When people ask you for help, help them. Even when it's for help in Target and you don't work there but for some reason they think you do ;)
   
• When you see an ambulance pass by with sirens, pray for life for that situation.
   
• Just stop eating GMO food already.
   
• While we're on the topic of GMO food, when you do find non-GMO popcorn, purchase a bulk order of it. (It's her favorite all-time snack).
   
• When hosting a party, serve less appetizers than you think you need and more drinks than you think you need. And always, always have a catered Publix dessert on hand. People like petit fors.
   
• The ocean can solve a myriad of problems tangled up in your head. When in doubt, drive to the beach and let it calm your mind.
   
• Forgive everyone and don't hold grudges. Unforgiveness will damage your heart for the long run.
   
• Vacuum underneath your baby's crib once they're asleep. It will help them learn to adapt to noise, and also, your floors could always use a good vacuum (her sentiments, perhaps not mine...)
   
• Never mop before a party. People won't notice your floors. Mop immediately after the party so that your floors are cleaned up from all the people.
   
• Read ingredient labels.
   
• Deer don't eat geraniums. So plant lots and lots of geraniums.
   
• Never stop doing your research.
   
• Visit Michigan in the summer because there is nothing like a summertime bonfire along the Great Lakes.
   
• Being married and having children is the hardest and best thing you will ever do.
   
• Live close to where you and your husband work. Commuting sucks and ultimately it keeps you from having quality family time.
   
• Don't forget this one - It's all about Jesus.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you amazing moms who lead largely by example and a little by words. I hope your day is sweet and I hope you are celebrated in the way that makes you feel like the most loved, appreciated, treasured women you are. :)

P.S. - My first mothers day and revelries of my mother.
P.P.S. - The top photo is an old one of my mom and Everett at Serenbe Farms from when he was just over a year old. I love their relationship, it makes my heart melt a little bit :)

Shifting Priorities.

I overheard a conversation last week.

Someone I know asked someone else that I know, "What people group do you feel most called to?"

It was a good question - they were discussing various cultures and the world at large - and discussing how their role in the world could make a difference in the need expressed in other countries. I wasn't being asked, and I was more of a fly on the wall during this conversation, but the question has been beating in my heart ever since I heard it asked.

What people group do I feel called to?

It was a very simple answer for me. Maybe too simple?

I feel called to my family.

I know it sounds kind of phony and lame, but it's the absolute "yes" in my heart. This is my people group. These are my people. I made them, and I am continuing to invest all my time into caring for them. Everyday, I am feeding, nurturing, encouraging, reprimanding, challenging, changing and re-feeding these sweet (though I'll admit - exhausting) people. The little boys that are asleep across the hallway are counting on me, depending on me every day to raise them out of their beds and do everything to help them along in the world.

Sometimes it's weighty, when I really think about how much they need me. They need me to be on my A-game. They need all of me, not just the leftovers. They need me at my best, at my most engaged, at my most calm and brimming with love and satisfaction for who they are.

So while I love the world and I dream of making a difference in it, my sphere of influence has drastically changed in the past few years. I used to dream of making a difference through the arts - music and movies and creative content. I wanted to be an actress and tell stories to encourage people, to let them know they are loved and lovely and worthy. And it's not that those dreams and desires have disappeared, but they have shifted out of their day-to-day significance in my life. These days I play trucks with my boys instead of playing dress up in auditions and on sets.

I love that I have this opportunity to parent, because I know the years of having young children are short and fleeting (even though the days feel looong when there are too many tears and not enough cups of coffee). I don't want to miss the moments. And I don't want my boys to miss out on me, if I am heavily distracted with some other thing.

I don't want them to remember their mom scrolling through her phone while they tried talking to her.

This question of calling has been bugging me, and yet, igniting me.

I've been thinking of starting a small business. I've been thinking about ways to grow this blog. I've been sitting on a book idea for a few years and I want to grow my freelance writing business and I also want to start creating some video content for this blog. The dreams and brainstorming are endless over here, but - my time is occupied. I am wiping noses and teaching lessons about cleaning up toys and figuring out ways to prepare healthy meals my son will actually eat.

Quite simply, I don't have time for anything or anyone else.

Please tell me, friends, that I am not alone in this.

The margins in my world are currently minimal, and outside of caring for my family, I am lucky if I get to meet up with a girlfriend once a month or read a book at night before bedtime once a week. I schedule time for everything outside of my boys (when I say "boys", that husband of mine is included in this club we call family :) ) - my workouts, my meal prep, my social time, and even time that I work on this blog - it is all scheduled and planned ahead for, because otherwise, there is no way it will happen.

Intention + bits of rest + lots of coffee + saying "no" a lot = the only way to do this thing called motherhood.

I don't know how other women do this thing. Being a mom is hard, and being a mom with a side hustle takes some serious discipline and support. I can't even begin to fathom how my friends who work full-time and parent do it all - I am simply amazed at how incredible women are.

From what I gather it's a juggling act for most everyone I know. A constant balancing of where to put all the energy, attention and emotion required.

The priorities have shifted around over the past few years, and in the wake of Daxton's arrival, I am more aware than ever of how full my hands are. Full of dirty laundry and preschool art (and half-eaten mac'n'cheese that I just had to put the cauliflower in and that my toddler totally tasted and has therefore now rejected.)

I feel like I am in it right now. In the deep, deep throws of this vocation of modern motherhood. I love it, I am exhausted, I am hungry to do more outside of mothering, and yet I am so aware that I can't do more without sacrificing more.

So while my friend answered my other friend's question with an eloquent and studied answer about the tribe of people she feels most drawn to, I am left with a yes in my heart to the current season I am in. Motherhood - the good, the challenging, the humbling, sometimes infuriating, sometimes stripping of all prestige, most times tiring and almost always requiring prayers and caffeine and encouragement - this thing is no joke. But it hasn't dominated me - I choose to love my moment of shrinking margin and paused extracurricular endeavors. I choose to shift my priorities so that I can give the best of myself to my mighty little men. They might be small right now, but their character is being forged this mine of childhood adventure. I am partnering with them to become people of great heart in a world of shrinking moral values and vapid strut.

I am changing the world, it just looks different than I ever thought it would. Instead of telling other people's stories through the creative arts, I am telling my story through my time spent with my family.

I share this with you to connect, relate, and extinguish any lingering guilt. As women, mothers, people who will someday be parents and people who want to make a difference in the world, we shouldn't be so hard at ourselves for seasons of shifting priorities. It doesn't mean that goals go unmet and dreams are dashed - our sacrifice is beautiful, meaningful, and lasting. And if you're in the business of wiping bums and kissing boo-boos, I applaud you for the people group that you choose to invest in. They are worthy, so so worthy of the effort it takes to grow and nurture. And you, my friend, are an absolute gem. Although, you probably deserve a Starbucks and a solo stroll around Target with a giftcard to spend. No, not on your son's friend's birthday gift, but on YOU.

My thoughts can really ramble, can't they? Talk to me in the comments, friends. Do any of you feel me on this one? xoxox

The Motherload.

I woke up on Mother's Day with a bad attitude.

I just had a bad attitude. Just because. I don't really, actually know why. Well I do, but it was like a million little mundane things that were making me crazed. Nothing of real substance. And I just about chewed Stevie's head off before I even rose from the bed, and as soon as the flurry of emotional words escaped my lips, I wished I could scoop them out of the air and cup them back into my mouth, swallowing their poisonous power.

But I couldn't.

That's the thing about words - they are absolutely forever. I have learned to bite my tongue over the years, holding back my venom when it won't serve a positive purpose (because really, when does venom serve a positive purpose??) Sometimes I fall short, though, and resort to my childhood, childish ways. I have quite a knack for hurting with my words. I'm good at it. And I hate that I'm good at it.

Stevie and I reconciled, dealt with the reasons why I was feeling frustrated about, you know, everything, but my outburst had me thinking the rest of the day about my immature behavior.

Happy Mother's Day to me. Womp womp.

Being a mom has illuminated so many truths. But this thing of attitude affecting action - it's something that I watch my son emulate every day. My words are so powerful in his little life. And based on what I say, and therefore do, is exactly what that little guy will say and do. For example, when he burps, he says, "Excuse you!", because he's heard me say it to him so often. He doesn't say, "Excuse me", he says "excuse you". Because that's what he heard me say. It's kind of funny, but it's also really interesting. My words remain with him - the big and the very small.

Being Everett's mom (and Stevie's wife!) has taught me so much about the flaws in my character, the places where I am below measure in grace, patience, and selflessness. But days like Mother's Day really puts it in perspective for me - it raises the questions. What am I building in my family? What kind of mother do I want to be remembered as? One with a sharp, critical tongue? Or one with a calm, generous, listening heart. ( <-- that one.) One who doesn't jump to conclusions. One who loves loves loves and then loves some more. And then even more.

And then MORE.

My little boy is getting unbelievably big. He is smothered by my love, but I wonder what else he is soaking up by spending time with me. Those little behaviors that I don't realize I say or do, that he is keenly aware of and emulating day by day. Because even though he looks like a little Stevie Mini-Me (I know, I know), he actually talks and acts a lot like me. I hope that I'm doing a good job with him, helping mold him into the best version of himself. (This isn't a self-deprecating thing, I know he is learning positive things from me.) But what I mean is the little things, the ones that could slip through the cracks in case I catch them and fix them. I hope that next Mother's Day, I can say with some confidence that I've grown up a little bit and learned to keep my cool and extend my heart a bit more kindly. To all the boys in my life. It's such an honor to be Everett's mom. I am the luckiest.

I hope your Mother's Day was restful and fun and full of love and celebration. Ours was wonderful (after my wrong side of the bed wake up call), and we spent time lounging around my parents pool and eating take out. No clean up! Thanks to my sis Rachel for taking pictures. Much love to all of you :)

P.S. - My thoughts about my glorious mom last year on Mother's Day and the year before, too.

Shop My Stella and Dot Trunk Show for Mother's Day!

Last week I hosted a little trunk show at my house, showcasing the spring line of Stella and Dot jewelry and accessories! I wanted to share some of my favorite pieces with you and invite you to shop my party, because S+D is offering my friends some specials right now (be sure to scroll below to shop my links and use my special code). With Mother's Day coming up, I wanted to extend the invite to you, all of my online/out of town peeps, to treat your mama (and perhaps yourself) to something special.

Here is the direct link to my online soiree :)

Nolita Small Crossbody Bag with Raffia Fringe - $69

City Slim Clutch - $49

To be completely honest, I was surprised when my friend (and Stella and Dot stylist) Jordan began setting out the jewelry in my dining room for display. Everything was so much prettier in person - so much more delicate, expensive-looking and more quality than I had expected. I'm used to seeing the Stella and Dot gear online, but seeing (and wearing!) it in person really sold me on the quality of the products. And the other element that surprised me was the way that the jewelry is designed. Almost every single necklace is made so that it can be worn in 2 or three different ways, where you can add or remove layers to change the look of the necklace, or wrap around your wrist and wear as a bracelet, etc. Several of the necklaces are multi-sided, so they are gold on one side and silver on the other. I wasn't really expecting everything to be so versatile - even many of the bags contained a matching clutch! A lot of bang for the buck, in my opinion.

Zoe Lariat Necklace in Gold - $98

Alila Gold Lace Cuff - $98

Unique Signature Engravable Momento Locket - $89

Freya Fringe Necklace - $118

Alright, drum roll please... Stella and Dot is offering my friends 50% off the items below when you spend $50 or more shopping my party! This is a great deal that is only available to party-goers, but since you practically joined the party via this post (!!! virtual party for the win!), the deal applies to you! To take advantage of this special, make sure to type my name "Kristen Hale" as the hostess when you get to the check out page. Happy shopping, friends! I hope you find something great for that special mama in your life :)

Icon Convertible Watch

Riviera Tote

Cleopatra Studs

City Slim Clutch

Brynn Lariat Necklace

P.S. - Since apparently I'm oozing with deals today, I wanted to remind you that Le Tote is offering my friends 20% off the first month's subscription box to rent/buy/wear garments and accessories using code OYKRISTEN. You can read more about my wondrous, laundry-free experience with Le Tote here.

Thoughts on Another Baby.

Stevie and Everett are my whole world. They are the hands I hold, whether we're in our back yard or at the park or on the city sidewalk. These two kindred spirits are my sweethearts, my heartbeat, my greatest voyage. They are mine. And I am almost painfully grateful for the gift it is to serve these two gentlemen with my life. Feminists, no need to cringe - I am treated like royalty by these two. We've got a mutual admiration society going in our household. We honor and serve one another, and my hope everyday is that Everett is catching on to that culture. Taking the cues from his Dad and learning from his mom. It's such a privilege, this opportunity to shape his worldview and raise his understanding. I am just in awe that I get to do this parenthood thing.

But with all of that love and adoration and basking in the adventure, I am often so exhausted I go numb. I am baffled by the enormity of what it takes to be a fully-present wife and mama. I am dumbfounded by how other women do it. How are they doing this so gracefully? Of course this leads to comparison and mom-guilt, which is stupid and unproductive, but it's real. How do women who work full-time do it all? How does that mama of 4 children do it all? I can't seem to keep my house clean, let alone manage all the other needs of this gig. These two boys have completely absorbed my life, and every last drop of my energy has gone into their happiness and wholeness.

Any mom can tell you that having a baby is hard. And any mom who chooses to breastfeed can tell you that choice is a sacrifice. And any mom whose baby won't take a bottle will tell you that it's an alarming scenario, because that means you can never ever EVER leave your child. And I will say "Amen" to all of those circumstances, because that was my situation when Everett came into my life. He was such a surprise. Such an immense blessing. The greatest gift I never asked for. And the most unraveling of my psyche. Being a mom is hard you guys. Don't get me wrong - there is nothing I would rather do than what I'm doing right now. But it's not a passive gig, having a child. It's not all Instagram cuteness and snuggles and reading books. It's sleep deprivation and body fluids absolutely everywhere and doctors visits that scare the hell out of you and being faced with decisions that you're 100% not ready to make. That's what having a baby is.

Is it crazy that I kind of want another one?

Yes. It is absolutely ludicrous.

I am grateful for the past six months. I feel like the pendulum has swung back in my direction, gifting me with my brain and my senses again. The first year of Everett's life was so intense and full-on, I felt like I was in survival mode to keep my head above water. I felt moments where I was tanking, and I often reached out to my right and my left for help. I am so grateful for the lifeboats all around me, those sweet souls whose words of truth and encouragement kept me afloat. And now I feel like I am really driving my ship again, doing my very best to steer in the direction I want to go.

Which is why, I'll be very honest, the thought of having another baby is a little frightening.

When I see my son playing with his little cousins, and I know he would thrive with a sibling in the house. Especially one that is close-ish in age. And when he sees other kids that are younger than him, he points and yells, "Baby! Mommy, baby!!" and is just so thrilled. I am certain that he would benefit enormously from a little sibling. And Stevie and I want a big family. We are both super close with our siblings and feel so much strength and camaraderie in those relationships. I certainly want Everett to experience the closeness and life-long companionship that is the gift of sibling-hood.

But honestly, it feels scary to go back to newborn land.

Is that selfish? I guess it probably is.

It's not just my selfishness that causes me to pause. It's also the fear that I won't love another baby as fiercely as my first. I LOVE my Everett so much. His presence in my life is the most illuminating gift I've ever been given. He causes me to see the world completely differently; so much better. He is hilarious and smart and silly and super free. I can already tell he is confident. He is poised to devour the world with his curiosity and humor. I can already sense his weaknesses. Even when he is prostrate on the floor, in an all-out tantrum, I can't help but giggle a little bit, because this boy has some fight in him. And I genuinely love his will and that spirited nature of his. He certainly won't go silently into the night. Heck, Everett didn't go silently into the night for the first 6 months of his life. As in, HE DID NOT SLEEP FOR 6 MONTHS STRAIGHT. But truly. How can I possibly love another little person just as much as this gorgeous, game-changing boy of mine? I mean, SERIOUSLY. What if the love just isn't as strong for another? How can my heart possibly expand any more? These might seem like silly questions, but they are the questions in my heart.

I'm just being really transparent. And my transparency is melting all over the weakest places in my heart and leaving me to wonder - will I ever, really, be ready though? I wasn't ready the first time around.

Are we ever really ready. For anything. Ever.

I have no poignant way to wrap up this conversation, because it is an ongoing dialogue in my head. But I am interested in hearing from those of you who decided to continue growing your family. I would love to hear the rationale behind the timing of your decision, how you spaced your kids apart (if you had the luxury of planning it!), and your fears, feelings, and joy about the outcome of those choices.

I know one thing for certain. I am ridiculously blessed to be Everett's mom. Best thing I've ever done with my time, ever. EVER. I guess that's kind of my answer right there, isn't it?