Underaccomplished and Overjoyed.

Underaccomplished and Overjoyed.

I don't know about all of you, but this Christmas season has been a complete blur for me. The exhaustion mixed with the to-do lists mixed with the incredible guilt of GETTING NOTHING DONE has led to a lot of purchasing on Amazon - sorry to all of you on my list this year! If Amazon doesn't ship it, then I don't give it!

But aside from all of that, I really am trying my best to slow down (seriously, I don't think I could go any slower), live in the moment, and soak up all the Christmas joy around me. And be okay with it. My baby is only going to be this age once. I have to keep reminding myself that. (Someone also reminded me that I have the same amount of hours in a day that Beyonce has. That dreaded thought is probably what urged me to write this post. What a terrible reminder of my underaccomplishments. I mean, Beyonce met the ROYALS this week.) But you know, sometimes you've gotta just lay aside your lists (or in my case, a scroll the length of the Torah) in order to enjoy that good cup of coffee while watching the baby drink in the wonder of the lights adorning the tree. Remember when that was the magic of Christmas? Just laying beneath the tree, staring up into all the evergreen, spindle-y branches and catching glimpses of the twinkle, twinkle, twinkle? Dreaming of what Santa (or in my case, a total Santa non-believer, what my parents) would bring this year? Helping my dad shop and wrap all the gifts for my mom (which we always did completely last minute on Dec. 24th). Wearing my pajamas inside out in hopes of snow (I didn't really ever think it would work, but my baby sister Rachel was so certain it would). Trying my hardest to stay up late on Christmas Eve in hopes of forcing myself to sleep in a bit later. Because I was always the one waking up too early. (So early that it annoyed the inside-out pants off everyone in my family). Yep, that was the good stuff.

That can still be the good stuff. I think.

So I've got a fun exercise for today. I urge you to set your list aside (just for today!) and remember what it felt like to be a child. Close your eyes for just a minute. Remember the things that excited you about the holidays. Before the hype of Black Friday and Cyber Monday and all the other consumer-centric days of hectic frivolity. Remember the exhilaration of getting out of school for winter break. Remember the awesome fun of playing with your cousins after extended family meals. Remember the scent of your kitchen while mom baked all sorts of special treats. Remember praying to God (and bargaining with him a bit) for that Super Nintendo/American Girl Doll/Insert-your-item-of-choice-here to be underneath the tree. Are you having trouble remembering what it felt like to be a kid? Then I encourage you to go talk to one. A child, not a goat (ah, kid humor. I digress.) Ask them what they're excited about this year and why.

Because I'm getting absolutely nothing done. On the accomplishment scale, I am certain everyone else in the world is winning at holiday life. Beyonce especially (did I mention she met KATE MIDDLETON this week?!) But watching my own child has helped me just be okay with that. Because I'm beginning to remember the simple sweetness of Christmas. The charming wonders. Being a child at Christmas is more than magical. It's more than just cute. Children are the purest little carriers of hope and bubbling-over joy. And I think it's time that joy made it's way back into our whacked-out version of "the holidays".

But for the record: Santa, if you do exist, all I want for Christmas is my sleep back. That would be the best. K thanks.

Also, stay tuned! Starting Friday I will be counting down the days to Christmas with my "12 Days of Christmas" posts!

How to Combat Stress.

Sleep much? 

I took a moment to breathe this morning.

Whew.

Full disclosure. I've had insomnia since we moved to NYC. I just can't sleep. Lists keep running in my head like the opening, scrolling scene of Star Wars. Long long lists that appear to extend into the darkness of outer space... it's odd. "

Long ago in a galaxy far, far away....

I dreamed of moving to New York!" And now here we are. It's an odd exhilaration, because I've also been on an extreme high, thrilled to walk down the street to the drycleaners JUST BECAUSE I AM IN NEW YORK. I feel like I'm hopped up on coffee all day long (even though it's only half), yet my frenzied heart can't rest when the nighttime comes and the lights get turned off. Frantic, flooded with to-do's, drowning with feeling like I'm ever-so-late to the game. What game? I don't really know. Isn't that the lie we all believe when we're trying to do something new? I am attempting to juggle several things and it's keeping me awake. It's sort of silly. But not, because the bloodshot eyes are starting to make me look like I'm on something. I know I'm not the only person in the world to experience this. But I've got to get it under control. Because sleep is necessary to accomplishing all those to-do's!

So, I decided to set all my lists and to-do's aside and just reflect. Just for a hot minute. 60 seconds, that's all.

Ha. It hit me all at once. The bevy of beautiful people who are WONDERFUL and love me so vastly. The smiles of my loved ones blur together into a sloppy, gleeful image in my mind, and wow. I am so grateful. My thoughtful sister who sent me a powerful book on art in the mail last week and my dearest friend who sent me a delightful Anthropologie housewarming present in the mail this week. The flowers my Aunt sent. My mom, who has called me and encouraged me everyday. My cousins, my sisters, my Dad, my friends. They care. Sheesh I am so blessed. I am overwhelmed with the unfathomable, infectious, present-infused love. And I am so incredibly thankful for these genuine pillars of strength in my life. These people quite literally create a firm foundation; I believe I can be big and strong because they tell me I can.

Get Grateful.

So I just want to encourage you today. Stress, anxiety, tension; they're all natural responses to transition. And if you're experiencing transition, whether severe or thrilling or somewhere in between, you don't have to experience an on-going bought of the painful stress. Take a moment, allow yourself to focus on the beautiful gifts around you, the joy of your relationships, even the lovely colors of summer. Whatever it takes. For your mind to quiet, your face to relax, your eyes to finally close. Your gratitude breeds peace. And once you have that peace, it's yours to keep.

Try It.

If you need to do an exercise to pull you out of a funk, unearth some of that pretty stationary that I know is sitting somewhere in a side drawer. Take a moment to think about 3 people who have really impacted your personal journey in the past year. It might be your mom, it might be your husband, it might even be a co-worker that you're not that close with, but has recognized your contributions and verbalized it. Whoever comes to mind, take 5 minutes and write it down. Tell them why they are wonderful to you. I promise that you will feel. So good. And now... look what you've done! Not only did you quiet your mind and find your peace, but now you're giving it away to others! Mmm win/win. Stamp it. Mail it.

Final Note.

In case you haven't heard it yet, you are enough. All the to-do's, the busyness, the job stress, the family tensions and the responsibility you feel toward all of it. Of course you have your reasons to be stressed. Of course you are justified in all your emotions. And there is probably so much that "needs" to be done today. However, you just need to know. You are. Enough. Just you. So give yourself a slice of grace today. Because seriously, you are enough.

Love to you today.