To 3-Month-old You.

It's true what they say, the time passes more quickly with the second babe. I can't imagine what the third, fourth and fifth times feel like - something like leaping into the future with each passing moment? I perhaps that's what all this is, anyway. This thing called living. Raising you. You're an absolute joy, Daxton bear.

Of course, the exhaustion isn't a surprise. But it is just as brutal as I remember it being with your big brother. Somehow I forgot how debilitating lack of sleep can be. The morning fog of feeding you, changing you, making your brother breakfast, gulping down water and vitamins in a flurry of getting him off to preschool, and then a hazy crescendo into the quiet of laundry, cleaning the kitchen and coffeeing my very soul.

You, my son, are just as perfect as can be. You are sweet and good, and your calm heart actually ministers to my busy jumbled self. You help me slow down. You help me remember my purpose. Not because you scream or cry (you do these things, but not nearly as much as I expected you would). But you have helped me realize that mothering you and your bro is just the absolute privilege of my life. Even when I am frustrated that I didn't get my workout in, my blog posts have gone unfinished, my kitchen is a nightmare and my sleep is interrupted - I am certain that you are part of my very purpose here on Earth. And I am changing the world, just by being with you. You are going to do brilliant things with your hands, your heart, your words. Your life is already rippling the destiny of so many others, causing and affecting great wonders in all the Earth. I am so proud of you, beautiful boy. You are growing stronger with each breath. You are mighty, in fact. And you are so long.

Somehow you are three months old. These days you are smiling, right at me. You are talking. (Okay, you are cooing, but I know you are talking right to me when you do it.) You are aware of all of us and you love when your brother gives you kisses. You have a little fox stuffed animal that has been named "Bear" for you (thank you Everett?) and I actually think you like that little thing. You aren't a fan of hats, but kid - it's been really cold outside. I'm sorryyyyy. You look handomest in blue. You are wearing 12-month onesies. You like seeing yourself in the mirror. And you have already changed all of us for the absolute better.

You are such a piece of Heaven. You are my peaceful one.

I love, love love you. Thanks for letting me be your mom.

Shifting Priorities.

I overheard a conversation last week.

Someone I know asked someone else that I know, "What people group do you feel most called to?"

It was a good question - they were discussing various cultures and the world at large - and discussing how their role in the world could make a difference in the need expressed in other countries. I wasn't being asked, and I was more of a fly on the wall during this conversation, but the question has been beating in my heart ever since I heard it asked.

What people group do I feel called to?

It was a very simple answer for me. Maybe too simple?

I feel called to my family.

I know it sounds kind of phony and lame, but it's the absolute "yes" in my heart. This is my people group. These are my people. I made them, and I am continuing to invest all my time into caring for them. Everyday, I am feeding, nurturing, encouraging, reprimanding, challenging, changing and re-feeding these sweet (though I'll admit - exhausting) people. The little boys that are asleep across the hallway are counting on me, depending on me every day to raise them out of their beds and do everything to help them along in the world.

Sometimes it's weighty, when I really think about how much they need me. They need me to be on my A-game. They need all of me, not just the leftovers. They need me at my best, at my most engaged, at my most calm and brimming with love and satisfaction for who they are.

So while I love the world and I dream of making a difference in it, my sphere of influence has drastically changed in the past few years. I used to dream of making a difference through the arts - music and movies and creative content. I wanted to be an actress and tell stories to encourage people, to let them know they are loved and lovely and worthy. And it's not that those dreams and desires have disappeared, but they have shifted out of their day-to-day significance in my life. These days I play trucks with my boys instead of playing dress up in auditions and on sets.

I love that I have this opportunity to parent, because I know the years of having young children are short and fleeting (even though the days feel looong when there are too many tears and not enough cups of coffee). I don't want to miss the moments. And I don't want my boys to miss out on me, if I am heavily distracted with some other thing.

I don't want them to remember their mom scrolling through her phone while they tried talking to her.

This question of calling has been bugging me, and yet, igniting me.

I've been thinking of starting a small business. I've been thinking about ways to grow this blog. I've been sitting on a book idea for a few years and I want to grow my freelance writing business and I also want to start creating some video content for this blog. The dreams and brainstorming are endless over here, but - my time is occupied. I am wiping noses and teaching lessons about cleaning up toys and figuring out ways to prepare healthy meals my son will actually eat.

Quite simply, I don't have time for anything or anyone else.

Please tell me, friends, that I am not alone in this.

The margins in my world are currently minimal, and outside of caring for my family, I am lucky if I get to meet up with a girlfriend once a month or read a book at night before bedtime once a week. I schedule time for everything outside of my boys (when I say "boys", that husband of mine is included in this club we call family :) ) - my workouts, my meal prep, my social time, and even time that I work on this blog - it is all scheduled and planned ahead for, because otherwise, there is no way it will happen.

Intention + bits of rest + lots of coffee + saying "no" a lot = the only way to do this thing called motherhood.

I don't know how other women do this thing. Being a mom is hard, and being a mom with a side hustle takes some serious discipline and support. I can't even begin to fathom how my friends who work full-time and parent do it all - I am simply amazed at how incredible women are.

From what I gather it's a juggling act for most everyone I know. A constant balancing of where to put all the energy, attention and emotion required.

The priorities have shifted around over the past few years, and in the wake of Daxton's arrival, I am more aware than ever of how full my hands are. Full of dirty laundry and preschool art (and half-eaten mac'n'cheese that I just had to put the cauliflower in and that my toddler totally tasted and has therefore now rejected.)

I feel like I am in it right now. In the deep, deep throws of this vocation of modern motherhood. I love it, I am exhausted, I am hungry to do more outside of mothering, and yet I am so aware that I can't do more without sacrificing more.

So while my friend answered my other friend's question with an eloquent and studied answer about the tribe of people she feels most drawn to, I am left with a yes in my heart to the current season I am in. Motherhood - the good, the challenging, the humbling, sometimes infuriating, sometimes stripping of all prestige, most times tiring and almost always requiring prayers and caffeine and encouragement - this thing is no joke. But it hasn't dominated me - I choose to love my moment of shrinking margin and paused extracurricular endeavors. I choose to shift my priorities so that I can give the best of myself to my mighty little men. They might be small right now, but their character is being forged this mine of childhood adventure. I am partnering with them to become people of great heart in a world of shrinking moral values and vapid strut.

I am changing the world, it just looks different than I ever thought it would. Instead of telling other people's stories through the creative arts, I am telling my story through my time spent with my family.

I share this with you to connect, relate, and extinguish any lingering guilt. As women, mothers, people who will someday be parents and people who want to make a difference in the world, we shouldn't be so hard at ourselves for seasons of shifting priorities. It doesn't mean that goals go unmet and dreams are dashed - our sacrifice is beautiful, meaningful, and lasting. And if you're in the business of wiping bums and kissing boo-boos, I applaud you for the people group that you choose to invest in. They are worthy, so so worthy of the effort it takes to grow and nurture. And you, my friend, are an absolute gem. Although, you probably deserve a Starbucks and a solo stroll around Target with a giftcard to spend. No, not on your son's friend's birthday gift, but on YOU.

My thoughts can really ramble, can't they? Talk to me in the comments, friends. Do any of you feel me on this one? xoxox

Prayers of a Mama.

I pray that he is strong. But sensitive, too.

I hope that he is confident. Sure of all the goodness that is unique to him.

I just know that he is going to be funny. I don't know why, but I just do.

I want him to be trustworthy. Accessible. Humble.

I want him to dream enormously, radically big dreams.

I pray that some things come easily to him -  like making friends and understanding the letters on the board.

I pray that he knows how loved he is. All the days of his life, that the love would saturate into his bones and rattle his DNA.

I can't wait to hear his voice sing, see his features mature, and watch where his feet take him.

It's going really fast. I am having trouble catching my breath, because he's just growing right before my eyes. Every day that I get him out of his crib, he is longer, stronger, his eyes more engaging. How is time speeding up?

Everett and I like to call him our lovey dovey :) It's amazing how a baby can melt you into a cooing, ridiculous, baby-talking fool.

My 2-month-old Daxton might just be teething. I know you probably think I'm crazy. Everett teethed reeeeeally early, and lately Daxton has started gnawing on everything in sight. I started wearing my Mama & Little teething jewelry last week as a way to get him used to it. Training him to know that this it's just for him - something he can practice cutting his little soon-to-be teeth on :) He's catching on.

I was introduced to this jewelry because I won some of it on an Instagram giveaway! So seriously you guys... enter those giveaways (ahem, see below for your chance...) Mama & Little jewelry is made of 100% food-grade silicone, is FDA-approved, and is free of all creepy toxins, including BPA, PVC, phthalate, cadmium, latex, lead and heavy metals. The necklaces feature a breakaway clasp (for added safety) and an exposed cord design to avoid hair snags and tangles. So basically Arleene (the founder of M&L) has thought through every scenario that would make a piece of teething jewelry really convenient and comfortable for on-the-go mamas. Thank goodness!

My favorites out of the collection are the ones I'm wearing - the Frida, the Nicole and the Alexa. Interested in winning some of this fun jewelry? Visit my instagram - I'm running a giveaway for a $50 Mama & Little gift card! Winner will be contacted on March 1 - best of luck to you, friends!

Many thanks to Mama & Little for sponsoring this post. All opinions expressed are my own.

Beltline Brunch & Play.

I admit, I've done a poor job getting into Atlanta and exploring. Since I've grown up here, I just don't make time to keep exploring. Stevie and I do such a great job exploring other cities, because it's an adventure! But when we are home, I tend to hibernate a bit more and just enjoy my immediate surroundings. Like my backyard and the golf cart paths :)  But every time I go into the city I am reminded how close it is and how we should just do it more. Because the food is better, you guys. It just is.

I've been feeling a little insulated at home. A little baby-fried. I love being home with my kiddos but we are so in it right now, up to our neck in bottles and swaddles and no sleep and OUR MEAL TRAIN ENDED. So basically there hasn't been anything to look forward to (have I mentioned how much I loved my meal train? I can't even talk about it anymore. Because I get too sad that it's over.) But all that being said, we were due to have some good old fashioned FUN. So last weekend we trekked into the city and met our friends the Hunts for brunch in Inman Park, right along the Beltline. Everything at Parish was soooo good (hence the "food is better in the city" comment) - if you go, get the Croque monsieur, the cranberry french toast and the corned beef hash. It was SO GOOD.

Like seriously, I need more.

Then we walked the Beltline, found a playground and a water fountain (two musts when you're a parent with wiggly little people) and chowed down on King of Pops popsicles. I'll admit, the weather was still slightly chilly for popsicles, but we are beckoning spring onward, so it felt like our duty to have King of Pops. :)

I can't believe how BIG Everett has gotten. I remember holding him just like I'm holding Daxton these days, a little baby in my arms. I remember trekking into the city with him, along with my monster stroller and basically everything we own, just for a few hour stint in the city. I can't believe that time is over. I can't believe I am doing this again. I can't believe I made another baby and he's here and he's so big and beautiful. It's true when they say it - everything with kids goes by SO FAST. It feels so challenging when you're in the thick of it, but then you blink twice and maybe move once or twice and suddenly your baby is a toddler and you have another baby in your arms and its like - what happened? Are we really a family of four?! Wasn't I like, just living in NYC and going on auditions and doing whatever I wanted with my time? Oh the wonderful selfish years.

Those are gone.

But! That's why we trek into the city and play, because even though all my years going forward will be consumed with meeting everyone else's needs and making sure they're happy and healthy - this mama wanted a day in the city, and that's what she got :)

It was just a really, really good day.

P.S. - Recommendations for other family-friend restaurants and activities in the city are so welcome! I want to do more Atlanta things as the weather warms up - any suggestions?

P.P.S. - I'm running a giveaway for another few days over on my Instagram, gifting one special mama with some must-have postpartum products from Earth Mama Angel Baby - don't miss it!

P.P.P.S. - I'll be helping host an event at the Peachtree City Banana Republic this Thursday evening, 2/23 from 5:30-8pm and I would love it if you came out! There will be bites and drinks and pants (the promoted item of the evening :) I'll havemore details for you on my Instagram tomorrow :)

Postpartum Must Haves for a C-Section Recovery (+ a Giveaway with Earth Mama Angel Baby!)

Recovering from a c-section is the kind of thing that no one really talks about. There isn't much common knowledge about the ramifications and recovery from the procedure. The typical response to a c-section surgery goes something like this, "do whatever it takes to get a healthy baby and healthy mommy". While I agree with that sentiment, there is a lot more to a c-section than a simple acceptance of what was probably inevitable. I can't speak for other women, but personally, going through a c-section with the delivery of my second baby boy was a total and complete shock, and the processing and recovery was something I wasn't prepared for. There is so much I didn't know about c-sections - which means most people probably don't really know about them either. It's baffling that it's such a normal procedure now, because it certainly doesn't feel like "no big deal" when you go through it. It's major, a major abdominal surgery. And the incision isn't just skin-deep - there is a lot of mental and emotional healing needed to process the experience.

I do want to say that I am extremely thankful that I had a c-section, because it was most likely the only safe way my baby boy was going to make his way into the world. I don't know why these things happen, with situations like babies getting stuck or being turned funny, but sometimes they do. I've been trying my best to respond with kindness toward myself and patience for the recovery process. Because it is a process. Each day is a new day for grace toward myself and toward this body that I hardly recognize. My incision still aches, 9 weeks postpartum, most likely due to the scar tissue.  But I look forward to the day when the pain is finally completely gone!

I want to put a disclaimer out there that my recommendations below are purely based on my own experience. Not everything works the same for everyone, but I feel lucky to have had an incredibly supportive team around me and some handy products to help with those first few weeks of intensity; healing from the surgery and doing life with a newborn. I want to share what worked and really helped ease the discomfort.

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My Postpartum Must Haves:

Postpartum Leggings.
I have been wearing these Blanqi Postpartum Leggings pretty much every other day since I had Daxton. I barely fit into any other pants right now, but that's not the only reason I keep turning to these trusty leggings. The truth is, they are equally soft and supportive, which is really necessary when you have a super sore incision site. The high waist keep anything from rubbing on the scarred area - keeping me pain-free and helping everything heal. I can't say enough good and wonderful things about the Blanqi supportwear that I've discovered during this pregnancy and now postpartum - this gear is absolutely THE BEST. (I shared about my favorite of Blanqi pieces here.)

High-Waisted Underwear. AKA Granny Panties.
It's getting sexy now. Trust me when I say that you are going to want to comfortable, non-constricting underwear for a long while after the surgery, for the same reason as the leggings. These are great options. And yes, you need to do a little dance when you put them on. Because you need all the reasons you can get to LAUGH while you are recovering from surgery.

Bottom Spray.
The Earth Mama Angel Baby Bottom Spray is the first of this company's products that I used, way back when I had just given birth to Everett over 2.5 years ago. I loved this product so much that I reached out to the company during this pregnancy and let them know what an incredible relief I experienced from using this spray. Even though I didn't have a vaginal delivery this time, I did have the unusual experience of having my doctor's hand up inside me (birth story here), attempting to turn my baby. So to be fair, there was a similar amount of wear and tear down under. This Bottom Spray doesn't just mask the pain, it really does help heal after the physical trauma of childbirth. You just spray it on every time you use the restroom and it cools and heals. (For those ladies who don't have a c-section, this is great to start using once you don't need to use the perineal spray bottle anymore.)

Belly Wrap.
My abdomen was really tender and sore for at least a month after the surgery, and I needed a way to protect my belly from the loving (but painful) pokes of my toddler. Seemingly normal tasks like walking up to the kitchen counter became kind of dangerous, because I could accidentally knock the exact area of the incision and it would cause the cursing kind of pain. Also, laughing or coughing was kind of dreadful because of the pressure, and I even talked to my doctor about how nervous I was that I was going to cough and accidentally re-open the wound. It felt like I was just going to pop open and spew everything. I know, SO GROSS, but the sensation was real. Wearing an abdomen binder like this one (I got mine from the hospital) really helped protect my whole Abdomen and actually provided a lot of support for breastfeeding during those first few weeks. FYI a lot of hospitals tell patients to wear these, and then some hospitals recommend against it because they don't want to give the muscles a chance to weaken. I think it's best to chat with your doctor about what's right for you.

Fractionated Coconut Oil + Essential Oils.
Since I returned home from the hospital, I've been eager to heal the stretch marks on my belly (I got a few right around my belly button this time, so frustrating!), and heal the scar from the surgery, which is a few inches south of my belly button. Every single time I get out of the shower, I slather my abdomen with this Invivo Fractionated Coconut Oil. Then I add a few drops of Doterra's Frankincense and Lavender essential oils to my stomach and rub it all around. These oils are all good for toning and repairing the skin, and I wanted to make every effort to heal up my tired, stretched out midsection. (I've also started using Palmer's Coconut Butter, slathering it on in the evenings just before going to bed. I kind of hate the smell, but my sister told me to and I listen.)

Bottom Balm.
I started using this Earth Mama Angel Baby Bottom Balm about a month before I went into labor. The ingredients (you can see the full list here) are perfect for healing up hemorrhoids, which I had the pleasure of experiencing during the second half of my pregnancy. This balm provided so much relief and healing. I know that no one really wants to talk about what goes on down there in terms of fissures and whatnot, but let's get real - having babies can have some pretty wicked side effects. This balm has an amazingly cooling effect, which provides so so SO much relief. I would recommend this to my closest of friends - heal your lady parts!

Digestion Tea.
Things slow down in the bowel movement arena after a c-section, even moreso than a vaginal delivery. So drinking this tea reeeeally helps move things along.

Postpartum Herbs.
These Earth Mama Angel Baby Postpartum Bath Herbs are so soothing, and this is perhaps even better for mamas who have a vaginal delivery. You can put these herbs directly into a sitz bath, or even a bath tub, and the ingredients aid in healing and comforting after labor and delivery. Yes oh yes please.

Pain Killers.
I am not a pill-popper. I don't even like taking Tylenol for headaches. But c-section surgery is no joke, and if you ever want to laugh again (EVER), you really should take the pain relief that the hospital prescribes. I found that it made everything more tolerable and actually helped me be more mobile, especially during the first 2 weeks after Daxton's birth. I weaned off from the heavy stuff once I got home, but even taking the basic Motrin helped so so much. This is the time in life to take the drugs.

Fat Pads.
Find the brand you love and get the largest, most absorbent pads you can find, I liked these and these. It's ironic to be that girl in the Target aisle, reading all the packaging on each of the pads boxes, looking for the fattest, most ostentatious diaper-like maxis of all time. But for this strange postpartum season, YOU WANT THE BIG PADS. Also, I like to pick up some panty liners too, because there will come a day when the flood will turn to a trickle. Have I grossed you out enough yet? Okay, I'm pretty much done.

Other postpartum thoughts:
I've been living in these nursing tanks, I've been drinking this tea everyday, I love rubbing this oil on my neck and wrists (it lifts my mood instantly), this nipple balm is heaven for breastfeeding, and I've been eating all the things because even though I still have pregnancy weight to lose (20 lbs. you guys!!!), dieting makes me sad. Oh, and Netflix has been my BFF. Am I the only person left that is still watching 30 Rock episodes? I love the Tina Fey-Alec Baldwin dynamic so much.

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I hope these recommendations help, whether you're preparing for a scheduled c-section or you are currently recovering from an unexpected one. And give me a shout in the comments if there is something specific that helped in your recovery - as someone who might have to get another c-section one day, I would love to hear about what worked for you!

And now for a giveaway!
Earth Mama Angel Baby is a brand that I love and have been using for years now. I love the toxic-free, organic and herbal ingredients - especially for sensitive areas! I am so happy to be able to partner with Earth Mama and give away the postpartum products I chatted about to one lucky mama-to-be - the Bottom Spray, Bottom Balm and Postpartum Bath Herbs. Head over to my instagram for your chance to enter to win. The giveaway is open to U.S.- residents only (so sorry!), will run for a week, and the winner will be contacted on 2/24. Good luck!

P.S. - My postpartum essentials for a vaginal labor and delivery, from my experience delivering my 1st son over 2.5 years ago. Whew, babies. They're lucky they are so cute :)

Many thanks to Earth Mama Angel Baby for sponsoring this post.