Lessons From My Father.

I put together a little series over on my Instagram Stories about advice and stories from fathers, answered by women who I love and admire. Check out the series here!

1. Traits I've Inherited From My Dad:

My Dad and I both relish the opportunity to be goofy and make people laugh. And we love to laugh at each other.

I love to write music and sing, so growing up my Dad and I spent a lot of time doing that together. He plays guitar and sings and led all the music at our church growing up, so he gave me lots of opportunity to join him and explore music with him.

Also, perhaps most importantly(?) - LORD OF THE RINGS. We live and breathe and rhetoric of Tolkien's brilliance and it's fine guys. We're fine. We're not obsessed or anything weird like that.

2. Best Advice I Learned From My Dad:

My Dad has always pointed me to the bible, no matter what situation I am going through. He has encouraged me for my entire life to continue reading the bible and find wisdom its teachings. After his years of exploring and studying so many religions, and after having his own spiritual experience which brought him to Jesus, he always points to the bible - "It's all in there, everything you need."

He also taught me to celebrate big - "Go big or go home!". It's probably the Italian in him, but he loves to eat, drink and be merry and he encouraged us to all live large and enjoy the moments life gives. My Dad knows how to have a good time! Which I just really appreciate.

2. What Dad Taught Me About Marriage:

Be quick to apologize. My Dad told me (and showed me), that if he was wrong about something, he would quickly admit he was wrong and immediately apologize. This is hard for me to do, especially in the heat of a disagreement, but when I am feeling really stubborn about something, I remember that my Dad would apologize if it were him. And that little bit of knowledge helps (sometimes).

3. What Dad Taught Me About Parenting:

Be a firm disciplinarian. My Dad was hard on me when it came to discipline, and he needed to be! I wasn't the best listener! He used to take everything away from me when I got in trouble - not just the usual "You're grounded, no TV!", but everything. No phone calls, no books, no dream journal - I had to sit in my room and stare at the wall. It's kind of funny to think about now but at the time I hateddd being grounded.

But now that I'm a parent, I get why it mattered. And I hold a firm line with my boys and believe strongly that if you discipline your children, you will enjoy being with them. If you don't discipline them, then they will be maniacs and you will never want to take them anywhere.

Also, he taught me that bribing works.

5. How Dad Gave Me A Head Start:

When I was a sophomore in high school I was dealing with frustration and unhappiness at my school. Even though I was a super involved student (cheerleading, chorus, theater), I was feeling overwhelmed in my classes (especially in math) and felt like I was falling through the cracks of my mega-big highschool. My parents didn't know what to do or what I needed, but they knew something had to change.

My Dad (and my Mom!) were always so for me and so they did all the research and ended up getting me into a smaller private school, where I attended my last two years of high school. I needed that change, and the school I graduated from was the perfect place for me. I was so happy there, I felt valued and had so much support and resources (especially with the math and science classes that were challenging for me). My parents didn't just make me "suck it up and wait it out" at my other school - my Dad did everything in his power to help me along and I know it was an expensive choice to make. I am so grateful to him because I can't imagine my life without that wonderful school and the experience I had there.

6. Dad One-Liners That Still Pop Up In My Head:

Oh, there are so many! Probably the one that frequently pops up in my head is, "Think before you speak, Kristen!" Growing up I never stopped talking, and I would say the most ridiculous things a lot - I was basically born with no filter. My parents would constantly be telling me to think about what I was going to say before I said it - not everything that popped into my head needed to be vocalized. And gosh, they were right. This is one that I still hear in my mind all.the.time. And I'm super grateful for it. And now I find myself telling Everett the same exact thing!

7. How Dad Showed Me Value Growing Up:

My Dad worked really hard to provide for me and my sisters. I was a really active kid and involved in every activity under the sun - I went to cheerleading camp every summer, was tutored in math during the school year, was constantly auditioning and performing in plays and chorus and had private gymnastics lessons for years to keep up my skills for the teams I competed with. Looking back now, I can't imagine how incredibly expensive I was! And my Dad had his own business so it was all on him to provide for us. He worked very very hard and never once complained that having three daughters was legit pricey! All that being said, he supported all of my interests and made me feel like all of those things were important and mattered. 

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Happy Fathers Day to you, Dad! I love you with all my heart and I am so grateful for all the life lessons you passed along to me. You're a good man and I have utmost respect for you AND - I like hanging out with you. xx

Oh Father, my Father.

My dad is quite a man. He has a frightening sense of humor that leaves you questioning - is he serious? Is he joking?? He has an unquenchable hankering for the finer things in life - good scotch, good coffee, good music, having a really good time. And yet he can roll up his sleeves and get elbows-deep in the muck of fixing just about anything - he's never met an appliance he couldn't tinker with and ultimately diagnose the problem to. He's quite the juxtaposition, my father.

And yes, he can be intimidating. His tough exterior consists of leather motorcycle boots and a resting "Don't mess with me" Yankee facial expression, yet he goofs off with the best of them, making up the silliest voices that leaves my toddler giggling in stitches. Growing up he would watch Doris Day musicals with us girls on Friday nights, he would put our underwear on his head to make us laugh, and he would play us songs on his guitar that made me fall in love with music.

These days he's getting a gorgeous salt-and-pepper look to him, his dark eyes still sparkly when he's got a story (or conspiracy) to tell of. He wells up with tears whenever he sees a horse in a field (something that is endlessly funny to me), because it brings back memories of his days working on his uncle's farm. He's curious, pouring hours into looking up every root word of the Bible, seeking answers to life's most confounding questions. He's a warrior, an out-of-the-box thinker, a troublemaker with a mouthful to say, a passionate teach and musician and a romantic with my mom.

Lacquered with layers of tough love and teddy bear love, he has been the most perfect dad to me and my two sisters. Not perfect in that he never made mistakes - he's always the first one to apologize, a quality I really respect about him - but he's perfect because he's tried his hardest to give us everything we could ever need or want. He didn't have involved parents while growing up, so his parenting skills have been learned along the way of raising us. Guided by only his instincts, and punctuated with lessons learned while on the job. I'm constantly amazed by him - his intense work ethic, his perceptive listening ear, his diligent commitment to discipline - these are all things that he had to learn the hard way while raising us girls. He didn't have parents to call on when he didn't know how to do something. He simply had to figure it out for himself.

As a parent myself these days, I'm humbled as I realize more and more how incredibly generous my dad has been with his life and his love. Even though I'm an adult, I still lean heavily on my parents for their wisdom and insights, especially as I raise my two little boys. I am so comforted by my dad's words of encouragement, his gentle corrections (okay, sometimes they're not so gentle, but they're usually necessary when I'm being a knucklehead), and his silly sense of humor that I am so endeared to. Sometimes I wonder how other people get along in life without laughing at themselves a little, a wonderful quality I so appreciate because I got it from him.

He's my dad, and I am so proud to be his daughter.

Thank you Dad, for being so wise and funny and generous and available to me whenever I need you. In an age when fatherhood is fading, I am keenly aware of your investment in my life and I wouldn't be the woman I am without you. You are the bravest, most wondrous soul, and I love you endlessly.

When Dad Says He's Proud.

The other night Stevie and I were having dinner out on the back porch. We didn't turn on any lights, so the table was aglow only by the filtered light coming in the screen from the setting sun. And by "having dinner" I mean we were eating yet another Amy's frozen pizza. Because lately I'm having a lot of days where cooking just seems like an enormous task along with staying on top of my wannabe-toddler. He's into everything and honestly, I find myself worn out by his energy at 8am. 8am people!

Sometimes I just can't.

But we were finally at the end of this particular evening, the baby was in bed, and we were enjoying a bit of wine. Whew. It was nice. We were exhausted. This house hunting thing has been more of a process than we had prepared for. We are so excited, but this particular evening, we were so wiped out.

Then my dad came out on the porch. Because, you know, we live in his house.

He sat down and said the nicest thing.

"You know, I don't worry about you two."

We smiled and nodded. My dad is such a funny, poignant, external processor. He kept going though.

"I like that you two are making your own decisions, and don't need advice from me all the time. You know I'm always here for you, and I like when you ask for my advice, but I like it even more that you don't have to ask for it anymore. Because you're adults and you're making good choices."

This statement really struck me. "You're adults and you make good choices." When did we stop going to our parents for everything and start believing that our choices are good choices? Because Stevie and I are both a little bit closer-to-homers, in the sense that we tell our parents a lot. In the 8 years of our marriage, we've had so many phone calls with both sets of parents, no matter what stage or phase or state we lived in, and we were always running things by them. Asking for their advice. Telling them what we were thinking about doing. And it's not like we've really, consciously, stopped doing that.

But I guess, on some level, we have.

And my dad is good with it. He's proud. He thinks I make good choices.

Heart swell.

There is nothing like hearing your dad say those affirming kinds of things. Simply put, there is just nothing better.

No matter who you are or what you're up to, whether you're close with your parents or haven't spoken to them in years, there is something inside all of us humans that wants to hear our dad say, "I'm proud of you." We all want it. And now, being a parent myself, I am more aware than ever of how much I want my son to know that I am so pleased and proud of him. I know I'm not a dad, so the impact is different, but still. I want to make sure to live in a way that my family knows I am proud of them, withholding no love. I want my kid to feel that same freedom I've felt, to be who I am transparently with my parents. To let them love me for me, not for some edited version of me that I only want my parents to see.

Because it feels really good to live fully, to parent my child and be as engaged as I know to be, and to have my own parent applaud me for it. It feels like I can fly. Actually, I think I am flying.

I just wanted to share this because a lot of you have parents that you want to relate to. A lot of you are already parents, and you're like me, figuring this gig out. And a lot of you are trying to find the balance between being a good son and daughter, and attempting to be an even better mother or father. I want to tell you that you are doing an AWESOME JOB. And if you are proud of your kid, probably the greatest thing you can do today is just to tell them. Because my dad told me and I am so grateful he took the five minutes to do that, and to tell me why he was proud. I've honestly been thinking of it all week.

Happy Friday to you, friends.

*The cover photo is a picture I took of a graffiti wall in NYC this past week. More about our trip up on the blog on Monday!

Luck Be This Lady

I'm All In.

This post is a bit indulgent, but I just had to share. Are you seeing the above hand? I'm proud to claim that it's mine. I recently won a hand of poker with a straight flush. A STRAIGHT FLUSH. And if you know anything about poker, you know that the cards in my hand are only one short of a royal flush, missing the stealthy Ace. In the words of my Father, "I have never in all my life seen someone win with that hand. The only thing more rare is a royal flush." Oh, a swell of pride. And you want to know why? Because I learned how to play poker by watching my Dad.

My Father is a feisty one. He plays Texas Hold'em well and he trash talks his way through most games. He is truly an exquisite trash talker. He's so smooth and intimidating. In Casino Royale, James Bond says, "You don't play the cards, you play the opponent." Well, my Dad does just that. He plays EVERYONE. And he makes them wet their pants.

Over the past month I've played a good bit of poker. I've won some and lost some, but I couldn't bear to not brag on my clever win. A straight flush! Luck be this lady. Casino night, anyone?