Thoughts on Turning 30.

Tomorrow I turn 30.

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of what my life would look like when I turned 30. I would be living in New York City, working as an actor, and when I turned 30 I would meet the right guy and get married sometime around then, with babies coming a few years later. That's what I always thought would be my path, my journey in the world. I wanted to make a difference and have influence. I loved acting and found such a passion in the actor's process. I never ever EVER would have imagined I would be that girl who got engaged super young and got married and became someone's wife at such a tender young age. I was never boy crazy, never very co-dependent, never really dreamed of having a wedding or being a mom or any of those domestic things. I knew I wanted to have those things one day, perhaps, but I never dreamed of them. I dreamed of working hard as a stage actress and then making my way into movies and being famous and accepting my Oscar while wearing a red gown. I practiced my speech a lot. Because in my dreams, I always win at the Oscars :)

Well, this weekend I'm turning 30. I've been married for 10 years and I have two baby boys. My stage in life is my kitchen and the awards that I accept are kisses and compliments from the chorus of boys that surround me. Life isn't anything like I dreamed when I was a little girl, but I'm not being cheesy or lying when I say that it is BETTER than what I dreamed of back then.

I am honestly so amped to turn 30. I feel like I finally match my age. For so many years, I felt a sense of judgement when I shared my story with others - that I got married young, that I went to college "out of order", and that I tried out so many different types of jobs over the years. I never felt on par with my peers. I knew that the choices I was making were the right ones for me, but I didn't feel like I was doing the same things as everyone else my age. But since becoming a mom, I have found such a sense of community and camaraderie in motherhood that I've never had in any other season of my life. I'm certainly not done dreaming or pursuing out-of-the-ordinary ventures. But I feel so myself at this age. And I totally love it.

The other day I was watching the Friends episode where all the characters mourn over turning 30. It's so funny to me how sad people get about leaving their twenties, as if they haven't "done enough" with those years. Well, I feel like I've done a lot with those years! I've learned so much about myself, and I've learned that life just isn't all about me and what a wonderful thing that is! I suppose having kids does that to you. And getting married young taught me that sacrifice is beautiful; it's a surefire way to leave a lasting impression of your love for someone else. In a world where the emphasis is constantly on our achievements and pursuits and accomplishments, I am grateful for my unusual, somewhat unpopular journey of giving so much of my life to my marriage and my family. It seems counter-culture in an age of feminism and women on the rise, but actually, I feel more present in my femininity than ever. I am just getting started, friends. My 30's are going to be SO MUCH FUN.

Thanks for journeying with me. I've been blogging for 5 years now and this space has changed so much during that time. But I love this corner of the Internet (it's my favorite space!) and I hope that when you visit, you feel encouraged and inspired to be your best self. And to have fun. Here's to turning 30 and to getting ever better with time!

A Birthday Date & A Bump That Doesn't Lie.

It was on this day that I realized just how very pregnant I am - and just how long I still have to go. 11 weeks til the due date, friends.

I was supposed to be at Disney World on my birthday, joshin' around with Cinderella at the Be Our Guest restaurant and having a few laughs with my sister-in-laws. I'm actually really grateful that we decided to cancel our trip (the rest of the family soldiered on without us), because I was having some pretty painful Braxton Hicks on my actual birthday, and the choking Orlando heat combined with miles of walking would have probably been miserable. For me, and for everyone who would have had to listen to me. And for the kankles that would have most definitely taken on a life of their own and probably heaved-ho away from me as fast as they could klunk-klunk-klunk. So I actually felt really at peace about that decision. But still. Disney is the happiest place on Earth, right? I think I'm allowed a good 5 minutes of pouting about that one.

The best thing about my birthday this year was being with Stevie and Everett. Stevie is the most positive person I know, and he really made an effort to do all the things I wanted on my day. He planted my fall garden for me, and then we went to dinner at The Hil at Serenbe, which was very delicious and very smashing. Get the lamb risotto! It was also my last meal having sugar, so we reeeeeeally enjoyed the chocolate souffle for dessert. Being the good, kind man that he is, Stevie is going to cut back with me (so that I don't grow an extra large giant inside of me), so pray for our saccharine-loving souls. The panicky memories of doing the disciplined Whole30 program haven't eluded us. I am actually searching for some recipes that feel like treats but don't have any added sugar. A few of you have already emailed me with awesome recipes to try - thank you so much! I am open to your suggestions, friends!

Turning 29 feels really good. I have no problem rolling into the final year of my twenties, because I have felt like an old person for a long time. I got married young, and even though I didn't start having babies too, too young, I've definitely been adulting for a good solid decade. It's nice that my age finally matches my life. Although I am compiling a little pre-30 bucket list of things I want to do/see/eat/visit before my next birthday, and I think dancing on a table or two wouldn't be the worst thing to happen within the next year. :) It's good to have goals, right?

I am 29. Very pregnant, a little pouty, but absolutely, perfectly content.

Outfit Details:
ASOS Top (clearly not maternity, similar here), Free People Bralette, ASOS Maternity Skirt, Anthropologie Shoes (sold out similar here on sale!), Anthropologie Kimono (similar here), Pulicati Leather Tote (similar here), Urban Decay Lip Color in Disturbed

ASOS River Island Crossback Cami

Free People Galloon Lace Racerback

ASOS Maternity Midi Pencil Skirt

Jasper & Jeera Rosecut Espadrilles

Anthropologie Meson Kimono

Nuova Varriale Tote

Urban Decay Vice Lipstick in Disturbed

An Elmo Breakfast Birthday Party!

My sweet angel turned two last week. I keep pinching myself about it, because it's super emotional to think back over the past two years of his life. But he's so funny, you guys, because he asked for an Elmo birthday party. With an Elmo cake. How does he know to ask about these things?! We weren't going to do a party for him this year, because honestly, we threw a big shindig last year and it was tons of fun (please tell me you remember my hand-made fruit pirate ship) - but also tons of work. And I wanted to just give myself a pass on this one. However, when Everett asked about his birthday party (we've been to several birthday celebrations lately), and said, "want Elmo cake", everything in my mama heart said, "You got it!"

Thank goodness Publix makes a mean Elmo cake. Twenty balloons, a carton of Starbucks coffee, and a bag of Panera bagels later, we were in business. This was a great, eeeeeasy birthday party. We just invited our families over for a 9am breakfast (because we are a big family!), let the kids run through the sprinklers and it was the perfect amount of hoopla and celebration.

Oh, and the birthday boy got to pick a special donut for breakfast. Because apparently you can't eat healthy on your birthday around here...

Cousins table!!! Many thanks to Travis & Liz for gifting us this amazing kid's picnic table.

I was a tiiiiiiny bit nervous about having him blow out the candles. I mean, that fire was close to his face. Thankfully, his cousin Wynn helped him out with the task. And Everett couldn't have cared less, because he was super enamored with the birthday song. He is still asking me to sing it to him, every day when he wakes up. "Bird-day song, mom?"

"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to"

People ask me all the time, "Why did you guys move from NYC?? Don't you miss it?" and of course I do. But when I see these photos of my son tumbling in the grass with his cousins and getting loved on by his grandparents and getting affirmed by his aunts and uncles, I am more sure than ever that we made the right choice. Everett is the happiest boy, so loved by everyone around him, and it's such an honor and a hilarious joy to be his mom every day. Happy 2nd birthday to my bright, beautiful boy!

Happy Birthday, Stevie!!!

You are so wonderful! And so worthy of celebrating.

You are a gift to our family and truly the person I most admire. You live your life, both the big and small circumstances, with consistent integrity, optimism and belief. You've brought my life an overwhelming series of joy and love. And our little boy is a reflection of you, both literally (!!!) and in his thoughtful, energetic spirit of strength. You are a rock. You are funny. You are easy to be with. I love you and am so happy to celebrate another year of STEVIE!!! Happy Birthday, my love! xox

Halloween In St. Augustine.

Last weekend was, quite literally, a blur. A stupendous, messy, spastic blur. It actually feels more like a dream than something really that actually happened, when I sit down to think of it. My family all convened in St. Augustine, Florida to celebrate my sister's wedding. But we also celebrated my niece's birthday the night beforehand with a massive party and oh yeah, this was all on Halloween, too. It was crazy fun and also just a little bit crazy. I am so grateful when my family is all together because it's a rarer occasion these days. It's one of those things that has to be cherished, and every time we're all together, I can't help but hope and wonder when the next time will be. Is that fatalistic or something? Never living in the moment? I don't know, but I try. I really try. I just love these souls so much!

My beautiful Aunt Shirley flew in for all the occasions and I truly can never get enough time with that amazing woman. She's the kind of person you want to corner at a cocktail party, stuff hors d'oeuvres in your face and just listen to - listen to her brilliance (she's a PhD in psychology, WHOA), listen to her traveling tales, listen to her Italian embellishment. It's just the very most fun.

My sister knows how to party. She dressed up her daughter the birthday girl as Star Bright, and she was Star Light (Star Bright's mom I think? I'm not up on my unicorn fanfare). I was completely lame this year and sort of forgot about costuming me and Stevie - oops! There's been a lot going on! But Everett went as a little fish. To be honest, he wasn't really that into it either. I think he was mesmerized by his Auntie Star Light, to be honest. Okay, I was a little too. I mean. LOOK AT HER.

That's a horn.

That's a tail.

That's my sister.

We are weird people.

I love it.

A few more of the evening's festivities:

That's my family - we are strange, we are off-center, we are goofy and over-dramatic and overly-celebratory and emotional and about a million other grand adjectives. I adore these precious cogs in the universe, weaving in my world a steadfast harmony of perfect, fearless love and overwhelming acceptance and appreciation for each other. I am learning learning learning all the time about this love - this love that trusts and celebrates and doesn't entertain a worry for the future. I'm grateful for this family that allows me to practice that love, day in and day out, letting me make epic mistakes, holding my hand while I figure out the right way, and encouraging the heck of that journey. Love is such a journey, friends. I am learning how to cultivate this pure kind of love, so I can be the best wife, the best mom, the best daughter and sister - and those are all the same kind of love, but they're really different too. Sometimes I fail at showing the right kind of love. Sometimes I'm a crummy sister. Sometimes I'm a selfish wife. Sometimes I'm a scared mom. But I am trying, re-trying, re-working this stockpile of love in my gut, attempting to get it right. To show it right. To be right-minded. And really - aren't we all? Well, those are my Halloween revelations for you. I guess that star light really hit me smack in the head. I hope your Halloween was happy and fulfilling and sugary, my friends :)

PS - I am heading into another wedding weekend! My dear old friend is getting hitched and I get to be with her every step of the way this weekend. I am the luckiest, being surrounded by ALL THIS LOVE. xox.